Escaping Reality

Reality has a way of coming up on you from behind and scaring you half to death. Recently I was pondering my life and how far I have come to get here. I realized that I was quickly heading back into the direction I came. I don't know how to stop it, but the reality is that I am heading there. I remember feeling helpless, and insecure. I was not happy, I was always having anxiety. I have not completely gone back yet, and I am doing my best to get moving forward again, but sometimes it is just hard. I so wish that there was someone that I could turn to. Not that I am saying any of you wouldn't be willing to listen, but I have pretty much talked off the ears of any and all of the people who actually read this blog. I find myself keeping most of my frustrations and sorrow inside. I know bottling things up is not a good way to do things, but recently I feel like I have to. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like what is going on in my life is so unimportant to so many people. I don't think they would really understand. I have a serious fear of disappointing people. It is rather unhealthy. Even worse than being scared of spiders...which really causes a panic. I can not fathom the feelings of guilt and pain I would feel if I disappointed someone. There was a recent time I felt that way and I could not handle even looking in the mirror because of it. I don't even want to go into the details of the anxiety and depression that follows something like that. It is not important. I guess my point is that I am trying so hard to escape a reality that will never go away. I just want to go on a really long vacation to a deserted island and never return. I don't foresee the escape being easy, but I don't think I will be able to stop trying for a while. Sorry to vent here, but I needed to let something out.