My head is officially above water again!!

I might even be swimming!

This last two Weeks have been full of goal setting and achieving.

I have had so many things happen that have really helped.
1. I'm getting out of bed before 8 every morning.
-this one has been way hard because staying in bed is so much easier than getting up and facing life.

2. Praying.
-personal prayers are not often the easiest for me. I feel like I'm often talking to a wall. I am working on this One though.

3. Scripture study
-oh boy, I got myself into a doosy with this one. I was talking to my bishop and I told him that studying was easier if I had a subject to challenge me. Boy oh boy....when you ask for a challenge from this bishop, you should expect a good One!!

4. Go to the temple once a month.
- I have exactly one day left to accomplish this goal for the month of January. I suppose I better find some time tomorrow.

5. Work on myself
-I find that I tend to take care of others so much that I forget to take care of me. I'm a work in progress.

6. Go to the gym 3 days a week.
-I started last week and I'm succeeding so far. I've been twice this week. I went thrice last week, I may even get five this week!!

7. Faith, prayer, trust
-the three things I really need to work on.

I am so glad for the people in my life right now. I have my family, my bishop, my dearest friends and Heavenly Father. I am learning and growing and I know that with the help and support of all of these people, I will be walking on water before I know it!!

Goals

I find it interesting that the one thing that has brought me out of darkness almost every time has been goals.

This last few Weeks I have met with my bishop many times. Finally he encouraged me to make goals. Why that never came to mind is beyond me.

So, I went home and made some goals. I made a lot of goals. Many of them are things I can do on a daily basis, some of them are going to take some time. The bishop seemed to be concerned that I set so many goals, but I know I can do them.

This week, I have been sick and although I have not felt well, I have done as many goals as physically possible. Many of my goals need work and I will get there.

The important thing to remember is that when you have something to work toward, you have purpose in life, whether it is for you our for someone else.

I find myself often asking the question "why am I here?". The answer may not be clear to me right now, but I know with work and as I try to have faith and trust, it will come.

So today, I am swimming, which is much better than sinking in the deep. I am starting to see the light at the surface of the water and I know as I continue to work toward my goals, I will reach the surface.

I hope that his hand is there to help me up when I do finally reach the surface.

Sincerely, me.

A plunge into the darkness

I don't know how or when it happened, but at some point this fall, I began spending more and more time in bed. This week, as I was meeting with the bishop, I realized that I spend a majority of the day there. Woah!

How did I get to this point? I mean,I thought I was doing really well. The struggles I have been facing have been deeply spiritual struggles. It isn't because I don't read my scriptures or don't pray. I do those things every day.

I am realizing that I am Struggling because of depression..... I know, surprise! Ok not really, but it really is taking it's toll on me lately.

I take medication and try to read and study the scriptures and pray and really stay close to heavenly father, I have struggled with trust for a long time and in December I explained to the bishop how I felt about it. He of course gave me the challenges, which I completed with haste. I have read every article and scripture on prayer, faith, and trust, at least twice.

So I went to meet with him again last week. He asked me if I was still spending a lot of time in bed. I told him yes. He looked me in the eye and said, "I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like depression." Really? Is it possible that I am not struggling but that my depression is keeping me from truly having a full trust?

Maybe so, I don't know, but I am now meeting with him regularly to help get me out of this place in my life. He seems to truly care enough about me to help me. I am glad he has not given up on me.

Anyway, that's that, Now you know. I keep praying that I will hit the bottom of the deep end so I can push myself back up with my feet, I hope it happens soon because I'm starting to feel the pressure. It won't be long before I run out of air.