A plunge into the darkness

I don't know how or when it happened, but at some point this fall, I began spending more and more time in bed. This week, as I was meeting with the bishop, I realized that I spend a majority of the day there. Woah!

How did I get to this point? I mean,I thought I was doing really well. The struggles I have been facing have been deeply spiritual struggles. It isn't because I don't read my scriptures or don't pray. I do those things every day.

I am realizing that I am Struggling because of depression..... I know, surprise! Ok not really, but it really is taking it's toll on me lately.

I take medication and try to read and study the scriptures and pray and really stay close to heavenly father, I have struggled with trust for a long time and in December I explained to the bishop how I felt about it. He of course gave me the challenges, which I completed with haste. I have read every article and scripture on prayer, faith, and trust, at least twice.

So I went to meet with him again last week. He asked me if I was still spending a lot of time in bed. I told him yes. He looked me in the eye and said, "I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like depression." Really? Is it possible that I am not struggling but that my depression is keeping me from truly having a full trust?

Maybe so, I don't know, but I am now meeting with him regularly to help get me out of this place in my life. He seems to truly care enough about me to help me. I am glad he has not given up on me.

Anyway, that's that, Now you know. I keep praying that I will hit the bottom of the deep end so I can push myself back up with my feet, I hope it happens soon because I'm starting to feel the pressure. It won't be long before I run out of air.