His hand

Life throws lemons at you ALL. THE.  TIME!So, how do we handle them?
Do we make lemonade? Do we throw them back? Do we constantly struggle to know what to do with them? Do we let them pile up until we have so many and they begin getting rotten and gross and we don't know how to get rid if them?

What do we do?

Why am I asking this question, you ask?

I ask because in the last three months I have struggled to know the answer for myself.

I have spent the last three months visiting with my bishop, family and friends about the many trials I have been dealing with. Some of them are very simple easy answers and some of them require hard work.

I have read the scriptures and have prayed to know the answers. I have struggled for a long time with the truth and what it means to me.

I was in a time of my life that not many trials were happening and the only real trial I had was monetary instability. It left my mind open to create my own trials. I worried about money incessantly, I worried about how to handle the situation and how to figure out what we were supposed to do. It left me feeling down and depressed, I felt the weight of it on my shoulders. I began to wonder if this was the way my life would be forever.

Doubt and fear had entered my heart, I was positive that I was not worthy (yes I know you hate that word SK) to receive blessings of financial freedom or blessings at all.

I had faith in god, still do, I had faith that others would be blessed and that things would work out for them. I did not however have faith that things would work out for me.

Thus my trips to visit the bishop began. Well sort of, I originally went in to renew my temple recommend. The post about that is further down in the blog. I broke down that day in his office, I expressed my fears and frustration and we began our many talks.

The bishop has been so good to listen and offer sage advice. I have been challenged by him many times. The challenges have gotten progressively harder as I come to a better understanding of things.

Funny how in life, when big trials are not present we begin to question our worth. (keep reading)

Three Weeks ago, I found myself sitting in a surgeons office talking about my husband getting a surgery done. (hernia was making it so he couldn't work anymore) had to be done before it got worse.
As we were in the office, the nurse assured us that everything Will be good and that only a small percentage of surgeries go wrong.  Oh yes, she actually said that to me. Having once or twice been the 1% during a surgery, I informed her that it would be out of the nature of our family to not be part of the 1%. Before we went back to talk to the nurse our youngest had started hurting. Her tummy was hurting and she could not stand up straight. At that moment I knew where we stood in the 1% category. She would need surgery too, only hers would be more of an emergency.

That evening she had to have her appendix out. It was a scary time for her, however I was handling it well. I knew how to be in the 1%. I knew how to get through the 1%. Five days later I sat in the same hospital while my husband had his surgery. Both surgeries went well, and both have recovered well.

So, why is it that I was able to handle those awful scary situations better than the not so awful monetary ones? And how am I going to handle the extra monetary ones we would have after the surgeries ?(the bills came in at just under $40,000 dollars)

I'm not sure I have the answer to these questions right now. I'm not sure I understand why.

I do know this, that when life hands me lemons, I'm going to add flour and sugar and make Lemon bars. Mmmm....tasty yummy lemon bars. Maybe I'll make lemonade too, but I will not let them pile up and become rotten.

I can see his hand in so many things, he has reached out and protected my family and blessed them. I am reaching for his hand, I am wanting to grab it. It is there outstretched to Me. To me!

I am working towards a higher purpose and it takes one step at a time. Actively participating in life to reach for a higher goal. It is the way we must do it.

Have a sweet day.