February update on yearly word (s)

So as you know, I have a word, or this year I have three words, that I focus on throughout the year.

2013 has been a very interesting year so far. My words for this year are: FAITH, TRUST, PRAYER.

So you may be wondering how things are going and I'm here to tell you.

FAITH:
I know that the church is true. I know that Heavenly Father sent his son to the world to die so that we could return to live with Heavenly Father, otherwise we would be subject to satan forever after we die. I get it, I just don't feel it yet. So I guess what I'm saying is that my head gets it, but my heart is still working to understand it all.
I know that is backwards, usually it is the other way around, but that is what is going on.

I haven't really ever questioned it. I have never had reason to believe it isn't true. This stems back from an experience I had as a child. One I have never forgotten. I do in my head believe it is true. It's a work in progress.

TRUST:
I am learning trust. I am pretty sure my lack of trust stems to several times in my life. I can't really say here what they all are, not because I don't want you to know what they are, but because in not ready to talk about them yet.

So what about trust do I believe?
I have trust, that others will be taken care of, that others will get answers to prayers if they ask in faith, that others will progress and learn and grow. I trust in heavenly father that he will do those things for them.

I am having a hard time believing that he will do that for me. I'm working on it.

I don't just have trust issues with heavenly father, I struggle to trust other people as well. There have been a few times in my life where I trusted with all my heart and it has turned around and hurt me.

Trust is hard. I am working on it.

PRAYER:

Ugh....and this goes with reading scriptures too. I just don't really feel like doing it. I am not sure why, maybe because if my trust issues, maybe because of deputation, but I just don't feel like it.

I know I need to work in this and that if I don't, my other two words will not be developed, so then why is it so hard?

I feel like I'm talking to air, or through a really thick and well insulated wall.

I don't feel like I'm getting answers, I often find myself wondering, what's the point?

I'm working on it.

For now, I'm learning.

I have developed a trust for my bishop and I know that he is trying to help me find my way to the truthfulness of these three words. He has been super supportive and I hope he isn't sick of me yet. He has given me some great challenges and they are helping.

The challenge he gave me last week was tough! After finishing the challenge, I gained a better understanding of many scriptures. They made perfect sense. It is interesting to gain understanding.

This week he has challenged me again. I thought the last challenge was hard.....yeah, this one is definitely more soul searching and difficult.

I am working on it.

Anyway, my words as they stand today. I am actively participating in my own life to become a more understanding and better person.

I honestly hope that it will happen.

For now, faith, trust, and prayer are progressing. I am a lot further asking with my words than I thought I would be this early in the year. I'm hoping to continue growing and learning and developing these attributes in my life.

Toodle-oo