Less swimming more walking, who am I kidding!

So this past few weeks has been a mix of many many emotions. It all started with a camping trip. The trip was a fun trip planned with good friends and fun times. We all got ready to go camping and we headed out. The first place we went was full. The second place we went was beautiful and shady and very pretty and we were so excited. We got there and just as we got there I got a hole in the side wall of my tire. We had to set up our tents in the dark and it was very frustrating. I was getting very frustrated with things. Finally we had our tents set up and we could go to sleep. The next day was lots of fun, I decided that worrying about the tire was pointless, until someone could come and fix it (i.e. My husband). 

The kids had a blast while we sat around and talked and just enjoye not having to be anywhere. My husband showed up the next night with his awesome tire fixing skills, then ended up not fixing the tire. He did bring news that our power had been shut off. I was unaware that it was going to be shut off, so it came as a huge surprise. Again, there was nothing I could do, so after talking with my husband, we decided to stay up and camp and worry about it when we got home the next day.

The next day, we realized we didn't have the tools to fix the tire so we decided to go ask the neighbor camp for help.They weren't much help at first, but eventually we were able to get the tire fixed and head home. When we arrived home, I found what I had already known. My heart sank, and my soul cried out, WHY!? I know I know asking why was probably not my best option, but I had reached a pit of despair that I didn't know how to handle as I had not been in that situation for a very long time.

I had a good friend who fed us dinner and let me charge my phone, and it was warm but not too hot so we decided to wait until Monday to get the power back on. The next day my bishop walked into the chapel, looked at me and asked how things were and I looked at him with the despair in my eyes, and he said, That's what I thought, come see me after sacrament. So I did. I went in and I cried. I told him I was so tired of having to deal with the things of the world and as a finishing touch I added, I feel like HOPE is Overrated. And I honestly felt that I had lost all hope. The bishop kindly reminded me that if I had lost all hope, I would not have come to church, or went to his office to talk to him. Point taken, still I was waiting for that hand to reach down and pull me up out of the water.  I left his office with the instruction to pay my power bill with the check he gave us and then to go to the temple and regain perspective.

My heart was still heavy and I had no desire to want to go to the temple. I wanted to hide in my hermit crab shell and just stay there.

The next morning I awoke and got the kids ready and took the check to have my power turned back on. Luckily not much was ruined by the power being out all weekend. We did our best to keep the freezer closed until the power came back on.

I am not sure what inspired me to do this, but I had a thought that I should make 3 calls to companies to see if they were hiring for a service tech for HVAC (that is what my husband does). I made the first call and they didn't answer, I made the second call and they were no longer hiring, I made the third call and they were not hiring either, however the guy I was talking to told me that another company was hiring and to give him a call. It ended up being our big break!

What a wonderful thing, we could finally afford to pay all of our bills, ON TIME. Not only that but we would be able to get out of debt, and possibly buy a house and a car that isn't falling apart! Wouldn't that be wonderful!!!???

I thougt so! Right, I mean finally something good happened and we will be able to move forward!

Okay, truth time, I am very nervous, I am scared, and the anxiety is killing me. I feel like I am in a straight jacket and that I am not houdini.

I am going to miss my friends, my callings, my life here as I know it is going to be left behind. However I know that we are supposed to go. There are many things pulling us in that direction and we need to move. It is still very hard.

I know I need to enjoy, but sometimes I feel like something will happen and someone will pull the plug and say, JUST KIDDING!!! I guess I just need to pray and trust in Heavenly father to help me enjoy the journey.

Would I say I am walking on water? No, would I say I am drowning? No. Would I say that his hand is reaching down to help me out of the water, YES!!!

So that is all for now. I hope you enjoy reading. Keep watching and I might actually update more often!